Andy: I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds?

145 notes

Favorite Fictional Characters → Andy Bernard

Andy: Would you rather me say “Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up? Crazy diarrhea happening right now?” Cause things can get real adult real fast.
Michael: You are also on record as saying “wittle-ittle,” “footy-wutties,” “nummies,” “jammies,” “make boom-boom,” “widiculous,” and “wode iwand.”
Andy: Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy’s sowwy.
Michael: You can’t be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
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You don’t know these people and I do. And if I let you work with faulty information, well, then I’m not doing my job as regional manager. So, please take this pen and change your list.

321 notes

I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.

772 notes